The trees outside our living room window display more colour every day – every time I glance outside the scene has changed. The sense of fleeting beauty comes to me even stronger than in spring. Still, I want to learn to feel wonder more than sadness. Presencing.
Currently I’m eating my breakfast, Greek yoghurt with seeds, nuts and a generous portion of the blackberry sauce I made this summer from the fruit we found on our walks. What a blessing that is!
We live in an apartment with a small balcony. At times I long so much for a garden of our own – yet what a beautiful harvest God has given us: Plumbs, raspberries, blackberries, apples, sweet chestnuts, walnuts and flowers. Gifts and treasures we met on our many wanderings through the neighbourhood.
I believe that one day we will find the right home with garden and then I might miss this cozy home with the large windows through which we stare at the clouds and the birds every day. I need to believe that every moment, every place, has some beauty in it – when I do, I search long enough to find it. It’s the moments that I stop believing this that are the darkest, and if I’m not careful become darker still. Little things can often help to find light again. Little acts. I stop and examine a flower or a leaf. I light a candle as I enter the kitchen on a gloomy day. I enjoy the sensations of flour and water between my fingers as I make dough. I remove clutter from table tops. I knit for a couple moments. I read a paragraph of an inspiring book. I listen to a sermon. I sing along to songs filled with life giving words and melodies.
I notice the scene outside has changed again, I sigh and try to enjoy this moment now. I like to think that God holds all these kinds of moments for us, so we will never really lose them – and that thought helps me to look forward to more beauty to come in future days.